Keres' Eyes - Michael Curtis Michael Curtis' novel Keres' Eyes reads like a 90's action movie. A bad 90's action movie. There is little to no character development, a story line that is so hard to believe it gave me headaches and dialogue that made me wonder if Curtis has ever actually had a conversation with another human being.

But I think the biggest issue is that you never really get to know who any of the main players are because important back stories are only hinted at. They get the same amount of attention as things like Craig being a master champion darts player (wtf?). All the information about the characters seems to have been slipped into the book in point form. An afterthought.

I also feel like Curtis should have dedicated more time to research because there are parts in this book that are painfully unbelievable. Like how Craig, who gets shot in the shoulder AFTER being infected with fucking weaponized ebola is still able to battle Sebastian, wrestle huge freaking doors open that are meant to seal so tight that viruses can't get through, and transport 100lb tanks of oxygen. I mean, lets be real here, I've hit my shoulder on the corner of a filing cabinet before and not been able to lift my arm for a week.

And let us not forget about the dialogue. There were times when the conversations happening made me want to punch myself in the face. But you know what REALLY just SLAYED me? That Craig was shocked when evil master mind Sebastian says the word ass. THE WORD ASS! Because Sebastian doesn't often talk like that. SEBASTIAN! The guy who infected his coworkers with FUCKING WEAPONIZED EBOLA and who planned to sell a virus capable of wiping out ENTIRE COUNTRIES to SEVERAL terrorist organizations. He was shocked when he said ASS! ASSSSSS!!!!!

Anyways... I could go on, but instead I'll leave you with this little tidbit...

"He didn't have to look to know where it landed. He had been throwing darts for years and was a master champion. The dart landed square in the center of the board. Bullseye." (pg. 4)

Now watch the below Youtube video. It's magical.

ZOOSK Banned Dart Commercial